Thanks for the tip, I wouldn't have thought to do that to be honest. I tried to do what you said, and it sounds better to me, so hopefully it will be fine now.
And thanks for the compliment otherwise.
I like how you talked about bringing the reader in with "losing spiritual innocence," I read the article but didn't think of it that way.
I'm not so sure if I would have my first sentence of my paper be a quote from the essay that Pipher wrote. I would start of with someone you came up with and then have that quote be my 2nd or 3rd sentence. Like the last paragraph, would really like to see you expand on that idea, if possible because I feel like that it would turn a good paper into a great paper.
Pretty good so far. In the fourth paragraph i was overwhelmed by all the quotes from the essay, I would try to put one or two them in my own words or put them in a different paragraph.
Interesting way to start off your paper by proposing a question, really like that. Fourth paragraph could be a little stronger
Hi Daniel,
Everything you need to know about the specifics of the RA is found on page 35 of your student guide, under the heading "FORMAT."
Should our RA paper be roughly the same length as our first paper? or should it be longer?
It is often forgotten that a tiny action or a couple of words have the potential to change someone’s world. While it may not be a conscious decision, perhaps in the realm of writing there is an unconscious desire to affect someone or something. After all, why was it so compelling to capture these thoughts in the first place? In Mary Pipher’s essay Writing to Connect, she is attentive of her audience and also supplies a heavy dose of pathos to convey her ideas.
The audience is clearly taken into consideration in this piece. Pipher has the aid of well-known figures such as Bob Dylan and Anne Frank to emphasize her point. The reader is able to connect on a whole new level when she drops familiar names. If she were to attempt this essay without these characters much of the effect would be lost in her explanations.
Opening with Anne Frank is a pretty blatant exploitation of emotion. This idea is assigned the degrading duty of dangling itself in front of the readers with the hope that they will take the bait. I latched on, and though it was a mildly low blow, Pipher still knows how to draw a reader in with her talk of “[losing] spiritual innocence” (Pipher 201). Quite a captivating foundation on which to build an essay.
I found it interesting how you included your own emotions giving it more credibility that a writing can cause someone to experience different emotions.
I really like it so far. It's an interesting approach to how to write a paper but I am sure when it is brought all together, it will be great. Also, your thesis is very strong.
Cody, I think if you just combine the last two sentences and add a little more to it, such as how it changed the readers views and you'll have a good thesis there. Make sure it states what you are trying to address in your paper. Other than that, your paper looks great.
I appreciate that big time.
quotes and specific examples. Use the topic of the chapter. Or use the quote about how many people were affected by anne franks diary. Also, it is a little unclear what your thesis is?
I seem to agree with ashley. Im guessing your entire paper will be about the references? Either way I think you should throw a few out in that first paragraph. It would give something tangable to the reader, not just an idea. And the good thing is that there are so many you can afford to use a few early. But overall, if youre going to make your paper all about her examples, I would be carfeul not to just explain all the references she uses. Because afterall, the paper is about how the rhetorical device is used in the paper, not just summarizing the paper.
Instead of asking the broad question of where the world would be, give examples of where it would be. Come up with some crazy examples like we would still be Enlgish if the declaration were never written, or we would all be speaking german if the americans couldnt communicate with the english and russians, things like that.
Your thesis seems thrown together, I bet there is a more fluid way to state the same thesis.
I like how you listed the rhetorical strategies at the end of your intro. It allows the reader to know what kind of supporting details are going to be in the basis of your paper. The only thing I can think to suggest is maybe come out and tell which startegy is the one that is currently being discussed for each paragraph. Great start. :)
I like how you used questions to grab your readers attention. I think it would help if you maybe answered those questions that are attention grabbing throughout your paper though.
Solid beginning. I think that it could benefit from more direct quotes from the text instead of the indirect examples that you used. But other than that its a good start.
I think your off to a really good start. However, when I read something, I don't want someone telling me what the writing could do. I want it to lead my thoughts without me even recognizing it. Your introduction is very to the point but if you could maybe show what writing can do, rather than stating what it can do?
I really like your start and I like your choice of imagery and mood for rhetoric examples. These are both strong and prevalent choices of rhetoric. I like your title and your introduction paragraph although as a reader I'm not sure how much I actually believe you when you say you cried. I think if you expressed your sadness in a different way it would be better.
